I said that I was going to post every day for the whole month, so now I have to follow through on that. I think it will be a short post, though, because I'm not feeling inspired to write much.
This morning I took a HPT. Sometimes I just marvel at how silly I can be, though, because I somehow got it in my head once again that today is 10 dpo when since I ovulated on the 24th then today is actually 9 dpo. Needless to say, it was a BFN. I've decided that I will allow myself to test again on Sunday and if it is BFN again then I will wait until after AF is due. But I am so on the fence about if I really feel pregnant or not. It so sucks that premenstrual symptoms are so similar to early pregnancy symptoms.
But I am at a new place with it all now. First I was freaked out that I MIGHT be pregnant (not upset, because of course I would be delighted to be pg because I want to have another baby). Then I was getting myself freaked out that I MIGHT NOT be pregnant because I had gotten myself all excited about it (funny how when your body is sending you so many strong feelings that mimic the feelings of being pregnant that you just get into the mindset of actually BEING pregnant). But here is where I am now: if I am pregnant then I will be happy (elated, scared, etc.); if I am not pregnant then I will be just fine--and looking forward to some fun days ahead of trying. Yes, I did say fun. One thing that Mr. C and I have always been right there with each other about is sex. I believe that it is an important part of our healthy marriage and I feel lucky that we are so compatible.
I had thought that if/when I saw the BFN I might be sad. It didn't have that affect on me at all. Primarily because it is so early to test (even when I had myself fooled into thinking today was 10 dpo, I know that it is awful early to test) and also because we weren't even trying, so it was a long-shot at best.
I am glad to know that regardless of what the pg situation is, my body was for sure working after being on the pill. My ovulation pain was intense. And all of the other pains and pinches and whatnot are most likely from my body producing progesterone and whatnot. Good.
1 comment:
I would be absolutely scared (and excited)out of my pants!! I lost my baby boy when I was 20 weeks pregnant on February 10, 2005, notice how those of us that have experienced a loss like that don't just say February 2005, we always put the day. Anyway, mine wasn't preterm labor, (although I had my daughter at 34 weeks) he had a defect in his brain that to this day they do not know what caused it, it wasn't Ancphely (sp), although he had water on his frontal lobes. They did see that I had a 2 vessel cord vs. 3, which can result in a birth defect, but my OB who I trust with my life, said NO, not in my case. I did have to give birth just as a normal pregnancy, and I got to hold him so I have that memory which I charish!!! What got me was I was reading your letter to William and I had just written a couple posts about it in my blog this past few days.
I do have my daughter who is know 5 1/2 but I also know that in your shoes I would be excited but scared.
It is great to read about others who face this same situation and how they handle it.
I hope that you get the positive you want!! and no two pregnancies are the same!!
I have been reading your blog for sometime, just never commented.
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