Friday, August 22, 2008

words left unsaid, and words I cannot keep to myself

I know that I have already mentioned that we don't have an internet connection at home yet. Because of that I have been out of touch not only with my own blogging but with keeping up with the blogs I'd like to read.

During this time many posts have been written in my mind. Some of them are things I can still write about, and maybe I will at some point. But others needed to be put out into the world at the time, and now their time has passed.

This post is one that I haven't ever really allowed myself even to imagine. How might I write the post that I had in mind when I created this blog in the first place--but because life has gone in directions I never expected at that time has been delayed for a year and a half.

I guess this is how--by writing choppy sentences and dancing around the perimeter instead of jumping right in. Goodness knows that any attempt at being eloquent is just not going to work out right now.

Yesterday, on 11 dpo in my first cycle using Clomid (Dr. suspects a Luteal Phase Defect caused my trouble conceiving this time) a digital test taken after work confirmed what a "line" test was hinting at in the morning: I'm pregnant.

And trying not to be completely freaked out.

My absence over the last several months, and lack of support to the ladies out there who have been going through pregnancies after a loss, makes this announcement feel odd to me.