Saturday, February 17, 2007

I give up

CD 9? Um...I guess I was wrong to start over in the counting (didn't count the days I was spotting and started over at CD 1 when I started the real bleeding) because I got a positive OPK and EWCM plus some ovulation pains. So that makes today CD 14 afterall. And Mr. C tells me (after I inform him that I am about to ovulate) that he is really scared and feeling a lot of pressure and isn't ready. He wants to feel as excited about it as I do, and doesn't. So what is there to do? I feel sad, and scared too, and I have to just trust that things will all be OK. He is my husband, and first and foremost our relationship must be considered. I am worried, though, that it may be difficult for us to ever really be in exactly the same place. But we must be able to be closer on it than we are now. And, as he said, we may have it sorted out for us since we did BD last night...neither of us knew I was about to O, I thought it was still a week away. Ugh.

Here's my quote for today:
"The end of wisdom is to dream high enough not to lose the dream in the seeking of it." -William Faulkner

I love Faulkner, he is one of my favorite writers. This is a fitting quote.

Let go, let go, let go.

I feel like I need to just give up. This is not something that I can control, and trying to do so is just putting more pressure on Mr. C, which is not good. He has enough pressure on him as it is.