Perhaps that feeling will dissipate now that I am on my campagne to work fewer hours (not a new campagne, of course, but now that the BIG work to get rid of the work has been undertaken, the results should be beginning to take effect).
And my list of things that I would rather be doing with my time is long and very personally fulfilling. Yay. Not the least among them is PAINTING. I have several paintings started, so there is no lack of ideas in this regard. I know that I have said it before, but I LOVE painting. I will post some of my paintings soon.
And then there is the book (I've written about it before, the deconstructed/altered book that I am making for William). And other books that I want to make. I get all butterfly-in-the-stomache feeling, giddy, when I think about it. I love mixed-media work probably as much as I love painting, just in a different way. Painting is a passion and a love that appeals to my need to do things that are challenging technically...to make something that is at once creative and *beautiful* while also being a *likeness* (this is especially so when it comes to a portrait). But mixed-media work and things that are more "crafty" appeal to my sense of fun and art-for-arts-sake...making things that just flow from my heart and mind and hands. If left to my own devises, I would make art all day long. When I was in college, during my last two years of undergrad, I was able to do this. I lived in a studio apartment by myself. I used the large closet for my bedroom (I slept mostly during the daytime, since I was primarily nocturnal, so this worked really well) and the majority of the space in the apartment was covered with ART...canvases and sculptures, and drawings and photographs everywhere. I pretty much ate, drank, breathed, and slept art. Not something I could sustain at that level, since I am such a social person (not in the party-girl-going-out sort of way, just need to have human contact and feel like I am interacting in meaningful ways with people, hense my chosen career).
I also have some projects that I want to do around the house...little things that I want to get done soon, just in case we catch the egg sooner rather than later.
Well, work still exists, so I better finish that grading now before I travel off to sleepyville.
Oh, and not as an afterthought or anything, but I probably should note that today is a very significant day. Today is my Father's birthday. It is also the anniversary of William's burial/funeral. We had mass at a Catholic Cemetary where he is buried in the Guardian Angel section.
2 comments:
I just found your blog and read through your last couple of posts. Your letter to William was so touching, and multi-media book project so inspiring.
Our stories are sadly, sadly similar. After getting pregnant on our first try, we lost our son, Natan, during labor on January 3. Pre-term labor, at 25 weeks, and he got caught in the cord. Like you, the doctors think it was an IC, but I had no history that put me at risk.
So I guess I'm basically where you were a year ago. It gave me hope that a year later you can still sense your William's presence. And that you and your husband have the strength to try again. I wish you all the best in your quest to bring William a sibling.
Hi Sara,
I am so sorry that you lost your son. It is just so unfair. I'm wishing you all the best as well, you deserve it.
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