Monday, January 15, 2007

that didn't last long

Oh boy. The high I was on earlier has morphed into an uncomfortable hollow feeling in my stomach...fear.

The fact is that there are no guarantees, no matter how positive I want to be.

Why can't this just be easy? (I know that that is a stupid question, but I find myself asking it anyway.)

It isn't going to be helpful for me to focus on everything that could possibly go wrong, or to think too deeply on the fact that many women with IC suffer multiple losses. How could that possibly do me any good? I am far too aware of the realities of pregnancy loss and the loss of precious babies. In addition to all of the possible scenarios regarding IC I am now all too aware of stillbirth due to problems with the cord or placenta, or other causes like infections...and then there are complications from labor itself...or early infant death. Life is a precious gift and it is so fragile. And not a moment of it is guaranteed. This I know, all too well.

But it will be a very long 9 months (God willing) if I have my focus on all that could conceivably go wrong.

I took a big step today. I guess I will find a way to continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

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