Saturday, January 13, 2007

the drop rocks the mars bar

J, Ry, Schmackey & Bob...below is Mr. C

I actually went out last night. Mr. C had a show, which means that he has to leave early (to get all of the equipment from the practice space and whatnot). He thought that Drummer's wife J might want to drive with me. I ended up going out to dinner with some friends who already had plans to go pick J up. It was my friend Ry and his wife Kat and her sister. I hadn't seen them since our friend Schmackey's wedding in November when I was pretty certain Kat was newly pregnant (overheard something). Sure enough, she has the look of about 4 months or so. It wasn't terrible. In fact, everyone was really sweet. With the exception of Kat's sister, who I'd never met, everyone there was actually at William's funeral. At dinner when Kat was reminiscing about her bad morning sickness she actually asked me if I had a bad time of it. As I was answering her, her sister said "Oh, you have a kid?"--all excited and happy. It sucked to have to say, and I said it very quickly "He died" before getting back to my story about m/s. She felt really bad and apologized and I told her it was ok, and just went on with things. I didn't want to launch into my whole explanation.

Kat and her sister went home after dinner and Ry, J, and I went on the the show. J and I had a nice talk in the bar before we went into the part of the bar where the bands were playing. Poor J went through early menopause. She found out about two years ago when they were TTC with no luck. I knew this, but last night we talked about it a bit more. She said that the OB she saw was pretty cold and matter-of-fact when he told her, didn't break it to her gently or try to explore any possibilities with her. It must be so painful. Especially because, as she put it, she found out at a time when it felt like all of her friends were having babies. She asked me about having another baby. I told her that we were planning to TTC soon. She didn't know why we had lost William for sure, so said something like "There really is no chance that what happened before will happen again, right?" So I told her about IC and PTL and high-risk pregnancy and bedrest and specialists/perinatologists and cerclages and the whole thing. Probably more than she wanted to know. But she did ask a lot of questions, so I'll take it that she did want to know. She kept telling me how brave I am.

I don't really feel all that brave. But, like ripping off a bandaid, sometimes you just have to do things. "Life requires great risk in order to get great rewards" is how J put it.