The outer world as a reflection of the inner world...

I started writing this all in the comments, but it got so long that I decided it might as well just be a post...

I appreciate so much that I have a place where I can *go* to try to sort through things, and it is so helpful to hear the responses. On the one hand it is just so comforting to know that I am not all alone. And then, of course, it is helpful to hear what you have to say.

I do worry a bit about being so candid about what I am going through here because this is, in reality, a public place. Not because I am afraid that someone I know IRL will read it (I've kept this anonymous enough to avoid that). And I'm not personally concerned about trolls (after I read what Sara wrote recently I did visit Erin's blog and I see now that the trolls have followed Aurelia [sp?] back to her blog...this is such a shame). It is more about loyalty/confidentiality in my most intimate and important relationship. So my darling, if you read this, I hope you will understand.

This all points even more clearly toward my need to find a therapist who I can really talk to.

Julia, thank you for letting me know that you are out there and for your kind thoughts:)

Niobe, I appreciate your suggestion. You are so right that not eating actually does make things worse. To answer your question, Mr. C does have a clear sense of what the problem is--where it stems from. This is a good thing, I suppose...but it goes deep. No easy quick-fix.

Sara, I hope the same thing that you do. He told me that he is really trying to be open with me and that he has been reluctant to say things because the last thing in the world he wants is to see me feeling hurt. But I think that his holding things back adds to that feeling of pretending...so it is important for him to say them, even if it does make me feel hurt.

Brenda, thank you as well for letting me know you are there. I hope right along with you that things will return to *normal* in not too terribly long. As the title of the post you responded to suggests, I do want so badly to be hopeful.
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What I had originally intended to post, and the reason for the title above:

The weekend is supposed to be a respite from the busy work week which is always filled with so many things we have-to-do.

We kicked our weekend off with a heavy talk on Friday night. And then Saturday morning came (see previous post). But we were doing our best to be chipper and enjoy the Saturday morning rituals of good coffee and hanging out in our jam jams. Then I decided to enjoy a long, hot shower. As I was winding down my shower I heard Mr. C's voice, telling me that I needed to turn the water off.

I will try to be brief and not go too far into detail about the hows and whys of the situation. The main drainage pipe for the house backed-up and water/sewage made it's way into the basement. We spent the rest of the day yesterday and a great deal of today trying to take care of it ourselves. Tomorrow the professionals come in to fix the problem. Fortunately, the horrid smell that was our constant companion yesterday had gone by this morning (yes, the sewage smell, but also a terrible sulfur smell from the chemicals that we used in our failed attempts to clear the drain). It wasn't too long into the whole ordeal that it occurred to me that our "outer world" was reflecting what was going on for us internally. But I kept it to myself. As we were winding down the evening, though, Mr. C shared with me that he had had the same thought.

It is no fun, dealing with shit that you would rather ignore. But some shit you just cannot ignore.