Sunday, May 6, 2007

cautiously updating


My sister Lara has a fear of openly celebrating when things are going well, especially when they are still developing. Since we share a close bond, I usually can tell what is up with her and don't have to force her to say anything *out loud* out of respect for her fear of some sort of jinx.

I've never shared this fear, I'm one of those people who jumps right into the deep end of the pool (although only figuratively, since I cannot actually swim). However, I'm starting to understand where Lara is coming from.

I want to update about how things are going around here but only feel comfortable doing so in a rather vague way. It is silly, though, since regardless of how I go about it the point is still essentially the same.

Even still, I'll do what feels comfortable to me now and say that things have improved and are continuing to do so. Things aren't back to *normal* although whatever that ever was has been gone for 15 months and will never return. At any rate, I no longer feel like I'm constantly putting my life partner under a microscope. And there no longer feels like there is a giant distance between us.

And as far as my cycle goes--I'll update that, too, since I put it out there. It appears that AF will show soon. It may take a few days to actually start, as it often does (TMI once more, but since I have opened up this topic I guess I will just go with it) because I have a r3trov3rt3d ut3rus. Since this cycle has been wack (perhaps it has indeed been two wack cycles, if the day 12 spotting was the start of a new cycle?) I haven't tracked things well at all. I do know that I did have ovulation symptoms at some point. I'm not sure how long ago it was, so I don't know if my lut3al phase was long enough. But, at any rate, it appears that things are moving forward so I plan to start fresh, as it were, and not obsess about irregularity unless I have another wacked cycle. I have some OPKs in the cupboard and I will monitor things on my calendar so that I have the information needed if I do need to chat with my OB about things. I told Mr. C what was up the other day and he was concerned and did encourage me to see my OB. He also said that he was pretty certain that I was about to start my period, though. He is often more in-tune with my body than I am.

4 comments:

niobe said...

Okay, I'm going to ignore your much more important points and focus on the irrelevant detail that caught my attention. Is it really true that you can't swim? Is there a story behind that?

Sara said...

Oh wow, I totally missed the can't swim comment.

I'm so glad you and Mr. C are having a better time of it. As far as your irregular cycles go, good plan. I'm sorry you have to deal with that extra stress and worry.

Of course there's a new normal now - I can't stand it when people ask if I'm "better now" or if things are "back to normal." Our lives are entirely not what we wanted or expected them to be.

Lori said...

Cautious optimism is a good thing. I'm pretty cautious about everything, and especially since my losses.

Life is forever changed- but eventually, the new normal can be good too.

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