I saw the therapist for the second time today. The first visit did go very well so before I went in today I had myself prepared for that to have been an anomaly. But once again things went well.
It did take a while to find a therapist. After the experience with that woman who totally went down the wrong road with me I was wary to jump right back into looking. A woman I admire and trust recommended someone, but when I spoke to her on the phone she told me she didn’t have any openings. She recommended several different colleagues and gave me some basic information about each of them. Based on what she told me I called the woman who I am seeing now (it took me over a month to make the call).
She has a background in and practices traditional psychotherapy but she also integrates energy work (Reiki) and mindfulness. So far we have spent the first half of each 90 minute session in “talk” therapy and the second half doing energy work. During the energy work time I do deep breathing and relaxation exercises and she also brings up things that came up during the talk therapy part and helps me work through them.
Something she is really helping me with is to be present with the “bad” feelings as they come up and not try to bury them. After the first visit she encouraged me to allow myself to feel these things and see what came up for me. When she said that I really wasn’t sure how it could possibly help. But it is helping and being able to work things through with her is a big part of that.
I realized today that the feeling I have of not trusting myself comes out of a larger issue of not trusting God. And as we worked through that I realized that I am already on the road to rebuilding that trust, but that it will take time. I also realized or became aware that while my faith/trust was damaged, it wasn't completely destroyed. Likewise, I wasn't destroyed either. And often when something is rebuilt it is stronger than it was initially. I believe that the healing work that I am doing is making me, my faith, and my relationship stronger.
Wow. Am I tempting fate by being so positive?
Oh, and the medication I am taking is for anxiety. She said it will take a couple weeks for them to really kick in, but since I am so small and very sensitive that I will most likely feel them sooner. I'm glad I took that step, too. Who knows how long I will choose to take them. Right now I am not concerned about it.
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3 comments:
Im so happy that you have found someone you can talk to. i think finding a therapist is very hard.
As for the pills, well i could not live without my pills for anxiety. I LOVE THEM!!!
Hope they do the trick!
Hugs
xxx
I am so proud of you for having the courage to work through these issues. I hope you continue to find it so enlightening.
I's good to hear you sounding so positive about things.
Glad to hear the therapy is going well. It sounds like a good combination of both talk and something deeper. I really need to work on the "energy" thing you describe. My therapist is on vacation, I'm so bummed. When he gets back I'll ask him if he does that. And you are right about the re-building, especially when you see the weeknesses present in the first instance you can shore them up.
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