back to work

It felt good to be at work today, like life is off hold and things can get going again. We started the second unit in Contemporary Studies (even though they still haven't had their culminating performance for the first unit--the film festival--which won't happen until February 21st) and the energy was totally in that place where things are when you begin something. They were all buzzy and active, doing their pre-research in the library and grappeling with the new ideas. I was asked by at least a dozen of them something to the effect of "but what REALLY is U.S. Foriegn Policy?" or "This is a topic I'm interested in (global climate change, AIDS, hunger, etc.) how do I find out what Foriegn Policy the U.S. has about that?" And it is funny because even as they are asking me it is clear that they know that I won't give them all of the answers, that the point is that they need to construct their understanding on their own and let their questions guide their research.

And so we move forward.

Oh, I did something I am proud of today. When I sat down during my planning period my head was swimming with the million and one things (so it seems) that I need to do. And regarding Contemporary Studies there is still a lot to do. I still have the film festival on my plate and there are many details to see to with the current unit--lesson planning, support documents, coordinating and prepping for the culminating performance...a lot. And then there is the internship component of the Senior Culminating Project to plan for and coordinate. So I decided to ask Angie to take responsibility for contacting the internship placements. She seemed like she was containing her disappointment that I had asked her when she said OK. But I need to ask other people for help, and this was a huge step for me in this direction. We will have the first two periods on the 31st to do some more planning together, so that is nice.

Enough about work (I could go on and on...and that is pretty sad).

Yesterday when I was walking to my car after my appointment with Dirk, Erin was walking across the street toward me. It was so good to see her. We talked for a bit and decided to get together on Saturday morning to go for a run. I really am glad that we ran into each other because I have been meaning to call her but haven't. I wonder what running will feel like, since the last time I went for a run was??? I suppose I could figure it out if I wanted to, but I'm pretty sure it has been almost three weeks. So we'll see how it goes.

Today I used one of the OPKs, my first one. I am on cd 9, so I guess I jumped the gun a bit (I think they say to start OPKs on cd 10 and then continue until there is a definate surge). My body definately feels like things are "working" in there. Maybe that is wierd to say. And maybe it is because I am paying attention to every little twinge and whatnot. Oh well. I told Mr. C on the phone when I was driving home that I had to pee really bad (he had asked me to stop off at the store to get something for him) and that I had to hold it so long because of the OPK (they recommend "holding it" for 4 hours and taking the test during the day rather than in the morning). So he once again reinforced to me his perspective on the whole TTC issue. He doesn't think it really matters when I ovulate, just have sex at least every other day and we should be fine. Which is basically the SME plan anyway, only without the three days in a row when you know you are about to ovulate. But even the SME plan says that if you fail to detect a surge then you should continue with the every other day thing until day 35, when you should take a HPT. But I got the darn OPKs and I am going to use them.

I've shared my "news" about the peri and plans to TTC soon with three people at work--Angie, Travis, and Katie. Angie and I have become very close, and I tell her everything. Katie was pregnant with her second child last year. Her office was at the entrance to my classroom, so I saw her every day. Her baby girl was due in February, so she had left for maternity leave right before I went into labor with William. She is very special to me, just a gem of a person. That is a term that I never use, but it so fits Katie. She is just cool in every way. And Travis, well he walked with me through every step of my pregnancy. Since he and I were teaching partners and co-Teacher Leaders, we were pretty much together all of the time at work. He is so dear to me and he is supportive and protective of me. So it is helpful for me to share what I am going through with these people.

According to Travis, the Farmer's Almanac says that we have more snow coming. I think I'll check into that. He said that it was right about everything that has happened so far this year and that it is extremely accurate on the whole. He cracks me up some times with how earnest he is about such things.

Another Day Off!

In addition to Charlie, our outside cat, we also have two other creatures that frequent the back deck. One is a very ugly opossum (he looks like a giant rat, yuck) and the other is this raccoon. The opossum doesn't get a name, but I think of the raccoon as Rocky (because of the song). Anyway, he is very comfortable coming right up to the window and is not scared away when we turn on the light or even make noise. He comes looking for food. Sometimes Charlie doesn't eat all of his food and Rocky gets lucky.

Well today was yet another non-school day! Hard to believe it, but it is true. This means that the three-day weekend turned into a six-day weekend! I would have been shocked (especially since the rest of western Washington was on a late-start) but nothing could shock me anymore. Today Angie and I had subs lined up so we could spend the day planning. That will need to be rescheduled (it better be rescheduled or I will be VERY disappointed). Since the roads really weren't all that bad between where she lives and where I live she decided to drive up to my house so we could work. This was exactly what I needed to spend the day doing. It is amazing how you can avoid something for so long, and then when you are ready to do it it all just goes so well. We got a lot done and are now literally planned through the end of the year. Wow. And we even got most of the support documents for the current unit done!

I am actually starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to work. The next big hurdle is to tackle the 9th Grade Advisory--revising the second semester calendar and mapping out the planning day that we have scheduled for next week (and that better still be on as well).

I found an ovulation calculator thing online. This is what it told me:

(28 day cycle) You're likely to be most fertile from Sunday, January 21, 2007 to Friday, January 26, 2007. If you were to get pregnant during that time, your due date would be Wednesday, October 17, 2007.
Fertile days...............................Resulting due date
Sunday, February 18, 2007
to Friday, February 23, 2007.... Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
to Friday, March 23, 2007........Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
to Friday, April 20, 2007..........Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Sunday, May 13, 2007
to Friday, May 18, 2007...........Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Sunday, June 10, 2007
to Friday, June 15, 2007...........Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Sunday, July 8, 2007
to Friday, July 13, 2007............Wednesday, April 2, 2008

(35 day cycle) You're likely to be most fertile from Sunday, January 28, 2007 to Friday, February 2, 2007. If you were to get pregnant during that time, your due date would be Wednesday, October 24, 2007.
Fertile days..............................Resulting due date
Sunday, March 4, 2007
to Friday, March 9, 2007..........Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sunday, April 8, 2007
to Friday, April 13, 2007..........Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Sunday, May 13, 2007
to Friday, May 18, 2007...........Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Sunday, June 17, 2007
to Friday, June 22, 2007..........Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Sunday, July 22, 2007
to Friday, July 27, 2007...........Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Sunday, August 26, 2007
to Friday, August 31, 2007......Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I'm sure that this information is thrilling to absolutely no one but me. Last night when Mr. C came to bed he saw the book I had been reading on the nightstand, it is titled "Getting Pregnant" (I bought it last year when we were TTC William). Anyway, he saw the book and just laughed. He thinks it is funny to read books and such on how to get pregnant because he sees it as a pretty simple concept. Have sex, get pregnant...end of story. He may have admitted his fears about BEING pregnant, but the man has no lack of confidence about GETTING pregnant. I wish I could be as confident, and that all anyone needed were: confidence + sperm + egg = BFP = screaming baby in 40 weeks.

But I'm back in the mind-set of trying this month! If I could be guaranteed a 28 day cycle I would not even give it much of a thought at this point. But prior to going back on the pill my cycles were 35 days or more. And that puts things further ahead than I would like.

What to do?

I guess that is something Mr. C and I need to discuss.

snowed in again

I woke up to the phone ringing this morning. I didn't get to it in time but listened to the message from Angie: Surprise! Late start--school is delayed two hours. So I went back to bed and had a hard time falling to sleep. It felt like I was finally drifting off when the phone rang again. This time I got to it in time and it was a message from the automated system saying that school would be delayed two hours. Yah, I knew that--and why did the message come at 6:25--isn't that a little late? So I looked out the window to see what was really up. It was snowing again and quite a lot had already piled up. I decided that I would not be going in to work at all--no way was I driving in that like I did last Thursday. It all went well, but what might the drive home be like? So I logged on to the school district's web site and, low and behold, discovered that school was cancelled altogether. No one called to tell me that, though. I happily climbed right back into bed once more. Yay. It will suck to have to make up the 5 days that we have missed (one of the days might be waived because it was due to the windstorm and the governor declaired that a state-of-emergency) but since I have no control over it I might as well enjoy it.

Much of the snow actually melted away today. It was the first time that it warmed up since the snow first showed up almost a week ago. The temps are supposed to drop tonight, which means freezing, which means bad streets. And the forecast is for more snow...but that doesn't mean that it will snow here or in Tacoma.

that didn't last long

Oh boy. The high I was on earlier has morphed into an uncomfortable hollow feeling in my stomach...fear.

The fact is that there are no guarantees, no matter how positive I want to be.

Why can't this just be easy? (I know that that is a stupid question, but I find myself asking it anyway.)

It isn't going to be helpful for me to focus on everything that could possibly go wrong, or to think too deeply on the fact that many women with IC suffer multiple losses. How could that possibly do me any good? I am far too aware of the realities of pregnancy loss and the loss of precious babies. In addition to all of the possible scenarios regarding IC I am now all too aware of stillbirth due to problems with the cord or placenta, or other causes like infections...and then there are complications from labor itself...or early infant death. Life is a precious gift and it is so fragile. And not a moment of it is guaranteed. This I know, all too well.

But it will be a very long 9 months (God willing) if I have my focus on all that could conceivably go wrong.

I took a big step today. I guess I will find a way to continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

a giant leap

This is Moxy. She's here to share some good news.

Today I had my TTC-consultation with the Peri, Dr. B, and it went very well. I feel like Dr. B is going to be a good fit. She is easy to be with. She has this energy about her that is very calm and matter-of-fact. I can tell that she has the "tell it like it is" thing in common with Dr. D and I really like that. But she seems a little more down-to-earth than Dr. D to me. She covered everything and, just as I had hoped, I didn't have to ask any of my questions outright because she got to them already. Of course I consulted them before we said goodbye, just in case!

She is certain that I have a "classic IC" and believes that with a cerclage placed early in the second trimester (she said 15 to 16 weeks) she feels that I have a 90% chance of carrying to term. In addition to that she said that since my cervix remained long, even when I was dilated and the membranes were funneling, that this is very positive because it (in addition to pointing to IC rather than some other cause of early labor) means that the stitch can go in nice and strong and the likelihood of bedrest is pretty low. Wow, I wasn't expecting that. Now of course I will still modify my activity! There is no way I will continue to be up and as active as usual, working long days, hauling up and down the stairs a bazillioin times a day at home and at work, and I won't be doing any heavy lifting. But to still be able to take a walk, sit upright, etc. is such a big thing! And, as Mr. C put it when we were on the phone after I got home from the appointment, it means that I don't have to worry so much about timing things "just right" in regard to the school year. Of course I still want to time it the way I've planned, but if this isn't possible then things are still going to be just fine.

So that is all very big news!

When I do get my BFP I will set up an appointment with Dr. B for at about 8 weeks and we will go from there. I won't see Dr. D any more. It was an option, but it would have meant a lot of coordinating of schedules and going to appointments at two different offices. The Maternal Fetal Medicine practice is very easy to get to. Dr. D's office is near it, but a bit of a walk from the parking garage. So for the sake of efficiency/simplicity I will only see Dr. B and she will deliver the (God willing) baby as well. I think that there is another good reason to only see her. I will have a different office to go to for all of my appointments. I think psychologically that that is a good thing.

She also said that we can begin TTC whenever we want. She was very happy to hear about how healthy my diet is. She said that it is good that I have been taking a multi with 400 mcg of Folic acid along with my diet which is high in Folic acid. She said that she would advise 800 mcg to someone who doesn't have such a healthy diet but that I should be covered. So of course when I was on my way home I stopped at the Supplement store and got a new prenatal vitamin that has 800 mcg! The way I look at it, at least I can be SURE I am getting enough! Regardless of how many fruits, veggies, whole grains, nuts, or fortified foods I eat I never think it is healthy enough!

Wow. Very big news today.

the accidental post

Shoot, I didn't mean to post anything.

I found this funny graphic that I thought I was pasting in here, but it ended up just being the url. Darn it.

Mr. C is downstairs playing some Starwars game (lego starwars? I don't know) otherwise I would ask him to help me.

Oh well.

I have nothing to say.

Peace out.

the drop rocks the mars bar

J, Ry, Schmackey & Bob...below is Mr. C


I actually went out last night. Mr. C had a show, which means that he has to leave early (to get all of the equipment from the practice space and whatnot). He thought that Drummer's wife J might want to drive with me. I ended up going out to dinner with some friends who already had plans to go pick J up. It was my friend Ry and his wife Kat and her sister. I hadn't seen them since our friend Schmackey's wedding in November when I was pretty certain Kat was newly pregnant (overheard something). Sure enough, she has the look of about 4 months or so. It wasn't terrible. In fact, everyone was really sweet. With the exception of Kat's sister, who I'd never met, everyone there was actually at William's funeral. At dinner when Kat was reminiscing about her bad morning sickness she actually asked me if I had a bad time of it. As I was answering her, her sister said "Oh, you have a kid?"--all excited and happy. It sucked to have to say, and I said it very quickly "He died" before getting back to my story about m/s. She felt really bad and apologized and I told her it was ok, and just went on with things. I didn't want to launch into my whole explanation.

Kat and her sister went home after dinner and Ry, J, and I went on the the show. J and I had a nice talk in the bar before we went into the part of the bar where the bands were playing. Poor J went through early menopause. She found out about two years ago when they were TTC with no luck. I knew this, but last night we talked about it a bit more. She said that the OB she saw was pretty cold and matter-of-fact when he told her, didn't break it to her gently or try to explore any possibilities with her. It must be so painful. Especially because, as she put it, she found out at a time when it felt like all of her friends were having babies. She asked me about having another baby. I told her that we were planning to TTC soon. She didn't know why we had lost William for sure, so said something like "There really is no chance that what happened before will happen again, right?" So I told her about IC and PTL and high-risk pregnancy and bedrest and specialists/perinatologists and cerclages and the whole thing. Probably more than she wanted to know. But she did ask a lot of questions, so I'll take it that she did want to know. She kept telling me how brave I am.

I don't really feel all that brave. But, like ripping off a bandaid, sometimes you just have to do things. "Life requires great risk in order to get great rewards" is how J put it.