William: 2/1/2006

I just put Vincent down for a nap and am fighting the urge to do chores, etc., as I usually do.

It is hard to believe that four years have gone by. Four years. I have to count them on my fingers to check...yep, it's true.

My days are busy from start to end and "spare" moments are few. Someone said something to me the other day about cherishing the rare moment of silence that comes along and I couldn't help but think that I have been all too familiar with silence...with spare time. I didn't think this in a negative or judgmental way, like I am so enlightened and anyone who doesn't see it the way that I do just doesn't appreciate what they have. No, it was just a matter of fact. My days, hours, minutes are full. I am thankful for what I have.

Vincent is growing and developing like he is in full-speed-ahead mode. It's been like this from the start for him, but since he reached 9 months he seemed to take a quantum leap forward from being a baby to being an almost-toddler. Maybe they all do this and I just don't know because all of the baby stuff is new for me. He is a joy. He is such a lover and so darn happy all of the time. He has a great sense of humor and loves to laugh. That goofy laugh I developed when I was pregnant with him hasn't gone away and he has it, too. I guess I got it from him.

I won't go into all of the details, but something profound happened on Saturday. I don't know if anyone still reads this very inactive blog (nothing to read in almost 5 months!) but if you are interested in the details I will share them through e-mail. At any rate it came to our attention that William had been hanging around to watch over us. He was gently told that we are OK and that he can move on. It hadn't occurred to me that letting go could go both ways. It sounds odd to write it out and in such a brief way, but that is what I am comfortable with right now. I will say that although it happened two days before the date of his birth/death, it wasn't something we went out looking for (not a visit to a psychic or anything).

The pull to do disheslaundryetc. is winning out.