all is well

After so long without posting I feel like that title is a must.

I've tried to write, and even now it is one-handed, but have been glued to this boy.

So many things might have been written/shared/saved for posterity. But, alas, all thoughts, feelings, etc. over the last few weeks are now lost or a blur.

For the first 4 weeks or so this was due to the round-the-clock feedings every two hours.

Then, he stopped sleeping during most of the day. He went from hardly crying at all, to needing to be held and rocked while awake. He started spitting up and throwing up a lot. After a visit to his doctor to make sure it wasn't something serious I started adding rice cereal to his bottles*. Since this requires a faster flow nipple he started taking in too much air, which lead to a lot of gas. And the rice cereal also caused constipation. Heck, I would be fussy, too. So I decided that the doctor wasn't right. I switched him to a different formula. Now, a week or so later, it seems like he is deciding to sleep more during the day and fuss less. At least that is what he has done for the last two days, which is why I am able to write. I am praying that we have turned a corner.

Since I have never taken care of an infant this is all new to me and I've had no idea what to expect or what is "normal." I realize that there is a wide range of behaviors that are still considered normal, but really I have no clue. He is putting on the weight, though, so I know I am doing something right. He was 5 lbs at one week old and now, at eight weeks he is over ten pounds! And then there is the whole preemie thing. Even though he wasn't super early, a month still throws off all of the developmental expectations. The doctor told me that we do need to adjust for the time until he is two years old. At some point it won't be significant, but at 8 weeks that is half of his age.

Ugh. This is all sounding pretty negative. He is beautiful and I am still in awe of him. I am just very sleep deprived. I've called in reinforcements, though. My sister and her husband will come and stay for a few days so I can get some sleep. Next week my parents are planning to come. After that Mothership will be back from France. And maybe, just maybe, over the course of the next few weeks he may start sleeping for longer stretches at night and be a little less needy during the day time.

*I didn't give up on breast feeding easily. I kept at it for a long time and even saw the lactation consultant again after my six week check up. And while I was able to get my supply going OK and he was able to get over his difficulties pretty much, too--it just wasn't enough. He was needing more than my body could give him. I kept pumping, though. until just a couple of days ago. This was a very difficult process for me emotionally. I had a vision of what it would be like with him, and breast feeding was very much a part of that vision. I shed a lot of tears about it. But I have to keep things in perspective.