I spent a couple of hours today at the doctor's office and the hospital doing all of the pre-op stuff. While in the midst of it all I do very well. But it occurred to me while I was sitting in one of the waiting rooms that my obsession for the past two days that I am leaking amniotic fluid is due to anxiety. Duh.
We had hoped to do an emergency cerclage last time, but my water broke as they were prepping me for the surgery. That was then. My membranes had prolapsed three days prior and, well, it didn't come as too much of a shock (to the doctors) that things turned out the way they did. This is now. We are doing this surgery as a preventative measure, well before things went wrong last time. That is the logical analysis--but logic has nothing to do with the subconscious fears and the memories that, even if on the surface I have come to manage, are still very much a part of me.
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I haven't done anything about the situation with my sister. I just can't put any energy toward it right now. Tomorrow I plan to get home from work as soon as possible to watch the election returns and that will most likely occupy me for the rest of the evening (we're having the parents over for dinner and we will all either celebrate or commiserate together). Obviously Wednesday is going to be busy with the surgery and all. So it will be Thursday before I can call her. Maybe after a week she will have gotten some perspective. Maybe not. All I can do is hope for the best.
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3 comments:
OK- any questions about the surgery?
I know it will go well. But I don't think the feeling of "Did my water break?" ever goes away. I was a wreck about it...neurotic is more the word. I think that when you know that feeling once and the outcome wasn't good, it's hard to ever forget it.
It will go well...you're going to do fine. I'm so happy for you and Mr. C.
As for your sister- how can she not understand that you are having surgery? Is she really that selfish? Most people would be like, Oh I don't want to impose since you are having surgery...
I'm sorry your relationship isn't what it used to be with her. I've found that people either accept the new you or they don't. I think a lot of times they just want things to go back to normal so they try and act like it's normal when in reality it will never be that way again.
I hope I wasn't out of line with my last comment. I was just so reminded of my struggles with a family friend so close she might has well have been family. And that still smarts. You need to focus on you, Mr. C., and this baby. Becky is so right.
I am shocked sometimes still when I think about what a mess I was during my subsequent pregnancy. Completely unlike me to worry all the time, but thus it was. And I was so scared during the procedure too, that something would happen. Any questions, any at all, please email me. Much love to you.
I had the same fear about the fluid leaking.... (((hugs))) hope everything goes well for you!
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