I didn't set out to write this post, but after I got started writing I realized that I needed to get this out and that it might actually be informative to someone out there. That is why I have used the actual name of the drug. There is very little information available about what it is like to come off of Cymbalta (believe me, I looked).
The terrible sinus cold masked the withdrawal symptoms for the first day or so, but by Monday oh.my.gawd was I ever a mess. I feel like I am just barely starting to climb out of the hell-hole, but I thought that yesterday morning, too, and it wasn't a very marked improvement over the day before.
I don't want to dwell on it, since it is what it is and it will be over some time in the (hopefully near) future. But here is my best attempt to describe what this is like:
Early on it felt like my brain was floating somewhere about a foot above my head. I had the feeling of being on a boat, very off-balance and floating-feeling. I was overwhelmingly tired. You can see how this was not altogether odd when I was also experiencing a sinus cold.
By the second day the symptoms above were even more intense but now I also had extreme pressure in my head (in the sinus area but also at the top or crown of my head) as well as nausea and dizziness. Mothership called in a prescription for a z-pac (antibiotic, since, um...yucky green stuff) and some heavy duty nasal spray that really works (Mucinex, which is OTC).
On the third day I had to drive over to the real estate agent's office in the morning and that is when I realized that what I was experiencing was not just due to the sinus cold. Driving was awful. I had to wear my sunglasses like some drugged-out rock star. By the time I got where I was going I was in a cold sweat and the world was spinning. I ended up sleeping for 5 hours afterward and Mr. C didn't let me drive myself home.
Day four consisted primarily of sleeping. As long as I was laying down and still things were OK, but any time I moved it felt like my brain was rocking up, down, side-to-side...terrible nausea. I finally took a Dramamine and it helped. I was reluctant to do this since it makes me so sleepy. That was just silly of me, though, since sleeping was all I was good for.
So yesterday was day five and, as I wrote at the start of this post, I thought I might be feeling better. In retrospect I guess I was feeling better than the days before, but still so bad that it doesn't seem right to describe it using the word better. At any rate, I finally felt like my brain was inside of my head. I suppose that description sounds odd, but it really is the best way for me to explain it. While it is wonderful to feel like my brain is no longer detached from my skull and being flailed about, I'm not sure that the new sensation can be described as an improvement. It felt like my brain was jumping around inside of my skull. If I was still and quiet and everything around me was still and quiet, then things were OK. Oh, but life isn't still and quiet. Light and sound and movement were intensified and all made my brain jump. I continued to take Dramamine for the nausea.
And here I am on day six. Let's hope today is much better. So far I feel pretty good, but I am sitting still and the curtains are drawn. I will update.
The following information might be relevant to some people:
>I was on the lowest dose, 20 mg, for six months. Because of this, I guess you could say I went off of Cymbalta "cold turkey" since there was no way to taper down from this low dose. Anyone taking a higher dose should taper down gradually. It is important to note that I consulted with my Doctor well before going off of the drug and we both decided that it was a good idea and we talked about how I would do it. If you are reading this and you are taking any medications absolutely talk to your doctor before changing your dose or discontinuing. Someone very close to me has had to take prescription meds for years and once ended up unable to leave the house for months (stopped taking meds without consulting doctor) and another time had to be admitted to the hospital (doctors messed up and bad medication interactions caused extreme symptoms).
>Cymbalta is still a pretty new drug and there is little research on how it impacts people long-term. It worked well for me and I don't regret taking it. I made a very thoughtful choice to go on it in the first place and weighed the costs and benefits. While this withdrawal sucks, it is a cost I feel is balanced by the benefit it gave me. I'm not sure I wrote enough to really give a good impression of how bad things were for me before I went on it, but they were bad. My MIL (Mothership) looked Cymbalta up in her handy-doctor's-database-thing and it has a 12 hour half-life. Apparently the shorter the half-life of a med, the longer it takes to get it out of your system. That helps to explain why it can take a while for the withdrawal symptoms to subside.
>The drug gets stored in your fat cells. Some helpful things to cleanse your system and/or help you feel better (I've been doing them, even though I haven't been feeling better yet, because I believe they are helping and will continue to help...besides, they are healthy regardless)
*Drink lots of fluids/water
*Take Essential Fatty Acids--Omega Oils
*A good multivitamin with all of the B complex
*B 12
*minimum of 1000 mg of vitamin C each day, more if you can tolerate it
>Meditation is amazing. I do it every morning. I started doing it around the same time that I started seeing my therapist and going on the Cymbalta. It was difficult for me to do when I was that filled with anxiety, but I stuck with it. To anyone who thinks they might be interested but isn't sure where to start I recommend looking into the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn regarding Mindfulness. If you are on medication and are planning to go off of it at some point, I believe that a meditation practice can be very helpful but recommend establishing a regular practice a minimum of 8 weeks prior.
>Exercise would be good, too, although I haven't been up for any yet. I would caution that if done too intensely it could possibly make a person's symptoms worse, since exercise causes your body to release toxins. Here's where lots of water, steam baths, and a whole foods diet would be very beneficial.
__________________________
Update, day six:
Just after I finished posting this morning I got a phone call from our RN asking if she could send a couple over to tour the Home. Since I already had two other families scheduled for today this seemed fine. But they were operating under a time-crunch and needed to come, uh, now. The house is very tidy and clean almost all of the time. After several days of spending most of my time horizontal there was plenty of tidying to do, though. I told her to send them in a half hour and then I was a whirl of action. I managed to get the house ready and get dressed in something presentable before they even showed up. I'm usually very good at the interpersonal communication, I'm a people person and good with the talking and all of that. I was far from being at the top of my game, but I did OK. I gave three tours and drove over to the house while the inspection was happening in between tour 2 and 3.
My symptoms today: Still off-balance and slightly dizzy, pretty much constantly. I didn't take any Dramamine because I had to interact with people and I also needed to be able to drive. My brain doesn't feel as much like it is jumping around in my skull as it feels like it is vibrating. I'm still sensitive to light, sound, and movement but it is getting to be less jarring. Today was definitely an improvement. Yay.
___________________________
Update, day seven:
Today I am confident to say that I am feeling considerably better than I have been. The cold is still hanging on, so that is a drag on top of everything else. My brain feels less like it is vibrating, now it is mostly noticeable when there are loud noises, bright lights, or sudden movements. I guess you could compare the way I feel right now with a bad hangover. My sense of smell is heightened and it can bring on nausea and I feel slightly dizzy most of the time. I did sleep late this morning, but didn't sleep at all during the day today (or yesterday).
___________________________
Update, day eight:
I felt almost like a normal person today. The most notable thing that happened is that I had a bit of an emotional meltdown which was caused by the realization that I was having a difficult time grasping a fairly simple concept. Mr. C was trying to explain something to me and he had to repeat himself several times before I got it. He was patient and kind and really didn't think it was that big of a deal that I was having trouble understanding him. But I just started bawling when I realized that my mind just wasn't working quite right. In the midst of my crying I said something to him about how I was finally feeling like myself again, with virtually no symptoms of the withdrawal. His response was "Um, do you mean no symptoms besides extreme emotional reactions?" This made me laugh. Crying jag notwithstanding, it sure was great to have a day without nausea, dizziness, and brain vibrations--just a little bit of the feeling of being on a boat that happened later in the evening.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
OK so I thought it was funny anyway
This is a bit obscene and I hope I don't offend anyone but I just have to get this down. I will try to keep it as clean as possible.
Mr. C and I were talking about how it is almost time to start trying to get me knocked-up again. When we got pregnant with William we simply did what needs to be done every day for like two weeks from about day 6 to day 20. I had been on the pill for many years and prior to that had irregular cycles, so I had no idea when I might ovulate. Those were the days when I had no knowledge of things like OPKs or EWCM...such an innocent I was. At any rate, doing it every day worked but we were both exhausted.
Anyway, so I actually used the word "trying" and he said something about how he doesn't want to feel like we are trying and then extrapolated on all of the, um, fun things that we might do...
And at some point I stopped him and said something about how you can't make a baby doing many of the things he mentioned. Because, for example, you can't make a Butt-Baby.
And without skipping a beat he responds with "Then how do you explain Karl Rove?"
Mr. C and I were talking about how it is almost time to start trying to get me knocked-up again. When we got pregnant with William we simply did what needs to be done every day for like two weeks from about day 6 to day 20. I had been on the pill for many years and prior to that had irregular cycles, so I had no idea when I might ovulate. Those were the days when I had no knowledge of things like OPKs or EWCM...such an innocent I was. At any rate, doing it every day worked but we were both exhausted.
Anyway, so I actually used the word "trying" and he said something about how he doesn't want to feel like we are trying and then extrapolated on all of the, um, fun things that we might do...
And at some point I stopped him and said something about how you can't make a baby doing many of the things he mentioned. Because, for example, you can't make a Butt-Baby.
And without skipping a beat he responds with "Then how do you explain Karl Rove?"
Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy New Year!
Well, it almost felt like it was too much to hope for. As we signed the papers for our counter to their counter-offer Mr. C said something to me about what a nice way this would be to say hello to the New Year.
It turns out that it wasn't too much to hope for.
WE GOT THE HOUSE!
(please, please, please let the inspection go well)
It turns out that it wasn't too much to hope for.
WE GOT THE HOUSE!
(please, please, please let the inspection go well)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
My offer to you: free stuff
A while back I responded to Niobe's post titled "free stuff redux" about a meme she found on Rhymes with Javelin's site where you get and give away free handmade stuff. Niobe was kind enough to offer to send me a print of one of her beautiful photos, so now I am finally getting my act together and offering some free stuff to the first three people to comment and actually ask for it. Your only obligation is to then post the same offer on your site.
If you think that you can't participate, I encourage you to think again. I believe everyone has something to offer when it comes to creativity and most often we undervalue our own efforts.
Here is what I will create for those that are willing to play along: I will paint you a painting.
My interests in art span a wide variety of media and genre, from realistic oil paintings to mixed-media collage and art books and a bazillion points in between. I tend to work on pieces for a very long time, fussing over them and very rarely feeling that a piece is truly finished. Perhaps that will change once we are settled here and I have some more time on my hands. For now, though, I know that I can start and finish abstract pieces that focus primarily on color, texture and shape.
So if you are responding to this offer here is the information I will need from you:
>Approximate size and format. For example, 8" (wide) by 10" (high). This is to give me an idea of whether you want something smaller or larger, vertically or horizontally oriented (or square), etc.
>Color scheme you prefer. Don't worry about using technical art terms here, just let me know what kinds of colors you like. Please let me know if you prefer bright/intense colors versus more earthy colors, though, as "red" can look like the color on a stop sign as well as the color of a Japanese Maple in the fall.
>Motif/shape/concept I should focus on. This can be as basic as one shape, like a circle, or a more complex idea or theme. But I do need something to give me direction.
>If you would like text/a quote included and if you have something specific in mind.
>I will need an address from you as well, which you can e-mail to me.
If you think that you can't participate, I encourage you to think again. I believe everyone has something to offer when it comes to creativity and most often we undervalue our own efforts.
Here is what I will create for those that are willing to play along: I will paint you a painting.
My interests in art span a wide variety of media and genre, from realistic oil paintings to mixed-media collage and art books and a bazillion points in between. I tend to work on pieces for a very long time, fussing over them and very rarely feeling that a piece is truly finished. Perhaps that will change once we are settled here and I have some more time on my hands. For now, though, I know that I can start and finish abstract pieces that focus primarily on color, texture and shape.
So if you are responding to this offer here is the information I will need from you:
>Approximate size and format. For example, 8" (wide) by 10" (high). This is to give me an idea of whether you want something smaller or larger, vertically or horizontally oriented (or square), etc.
>Color scheme you prefer. Don't worry about using technical art terms here, just let me know what kinds of colors you like. Please let me know if you prefer bright/intense colors versus more earthy colors, though, as "red" can look like the color on a stop sign as well as the color of a Japanese Maple in the fall.
>Motif/shape/concept I should focus on. This can be as basic as one shape, like a circle, or a more complex idea or theme. But I do need something to give me direction.
>If you would like text/a quote included and if you have something specific in mind.
>I will need an address from you as well, which you can e-mail to me.
the counter offers
I woke up today feeling even worse than I did last night. My cold is getting nastier and when I try to walk it feels like my brain is floating four inches above my head.
And we heard back from the sellers this afternoon and their counter was pretty harsh. So I've moved from peaceful detachment to feeling anxious. It's hard to know how I would be feeling about it if it weren't for this awful cold and the withdrawals from the anxiety medication. At any rate, we should hear back from them by this time tomorrow. Maybe we'll hear from them sooner.
And we heard back from the sellers this afternoon and their counter was pretty harsh. So I've moved from peaceful detachment to feeling anxious. It's hard to know how I would be feeling about it if it weren't for this awful cold and the withdrawals from the anxiety medication. At any rate, we should hear back from them by this time tomorrow. Maybe we'll hear from them sooner.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
the offer is in
We went out to take some second-looks today and decided that we found the house for us. Now we wait to hear back from the sellers.
My head is feeling even more like it is about to explode today, but not because I am stressed about buying the home. Of course I am excited about it and am imagining all of the ways that we will furnish it and decorate, but I am also calm about the whole thing. If it doesn't work out then we will find something that does. I simply have what is shaping up to be a terrible sinus cold. Oh, and yesterday I took my last anxiety pill so that probably isn't helping anything. On the other hand, having a bad cold might be a very good way to mask the withdrawal symptoms from the anxiety medication. When things were really bad with my anxiety this summer, right before I went on the medication, I wasn't able to eat much for a few weeks. Once I was feeling better I realized that I was over my caffeine addiction. Always look at the bright side:)
The other day when I made the label my head felt like it was going to explode because I was so busy/tired.
I almost posted 10 days ago to say that I was breathing a huge sigh of relief. Finally, the day that had been looming pretty much since we moved here in October had come and gone with the best possible outcome. The Adult Family Home Licensor came for our inspection and after an extremely thorough three hours, she told us that she liked what she saw. The rules and regulations that must be followed for every aspect of running one of these homes literally fills a large book, which is revised by the state legislature every year, so this is no mean feat. And it is not uncommon to have to repeat the initial inspection before the license is granted. Fortunately we were given the green light to move forward. The feeling of relief was intense, but not followed by any down-time to savor it because Christmas was only a few days away and none of us had been able to do any preparation for it.
Shopping for gifts and whatnot was a lot of fun-- being out among the last-minute-shopping chaos wasn't as bad as I had anticipated--and on Christmas Eve I spent pretty much the whole day in the kitchen. Being able to do that was wonderful, as I've been eating on the run most of the time lately. On Christmas day I didn't even get out of my jam jams and I was in heaven, an entire day of puttering around and doing nothing. But every day since then has been action, action, action as we have been house-hunting and I have been touring families of prospective residents through this Home.
We are moving out of here next week and soon this place will be full of residents and staff. We will be staying with Mothership and Pops until we are able to move into our new home. If all moves forward with the house we are hoping for then we will be living in it by the end of January at the latest.
While we have been extremely busy since we got here it has been the best kind of busy. I love it here and I love what we are doing. Besides loving the work with the residents and all of the other people that I come in contact with, I love that we are calling the shots here. We work long hours because it is what we want to be doing and we know what needs to be done. At the same time, we can sleep-in when we don't have meetings or appointments early, or we can take lunch when we want to. And whenever I start to get tired when I am out and about running errands and such the voice of my sister Lara comes into my head saying "Your job includes shopping, decorating, and visiting with people--you are so lucky." She has never actually said that to me, but she definitely would if I complained of being tired.
And before I stop writing, a little bit about the house we are hoping to buy...
It is move-in ready and has everything from our "must have" list and many of the items from our "would love to have" list. This is a relief to me since I have completely painted and decorated both this Home and the new office for the business. The office ended up being far more work than I had initially anticipated because there were so many surfaces to refinish (wood paneling, bare sheet rock, cinder block, and this awful paneling in the bathroom). The idea that we can move in and I can do things as I feel like it or am up to it, rather than needing to do it in order to make the home livable, is quite attractive to me right now.
We should know by tomorrow where things stand.
My head is feeling even more like it is about to explode today, but not because I am stressed about buying the home. Of course I am excited about it and am imagining all of the ways that we will furnish it and decorate, but I am also calm about the whole thing. If it doesn't work out then we will find something that does. I simply have what is shaping up to be a terrible sinus cold. Oh, and yesterday I took my last anxiety pill so that probably isn't helping anything. On the other hand, having a bad cold might be a very good way to mask the withdrawal symptoms from the anxiety medication. When things were really bad with my anxiety this summer, right before I went on the medication, I wasn't able to eat much for a few weeks. Once I was feeling better I realized that I was over my caffeine addiction. Always look at the bright side:)
The other day when I made the label my head felt like it was going to explode because I was so busy/tired.
I almost posted 10 days ago to say that I was breathing a huge sigh of relief. Finally, the day that had been looming pretty much since we moved here in October had come and gone with the best possible outcome. The Adult Family Home Licensor came for our inspection and after an extremely thorough three hours, she told us that she liked what she saw. The rules and regulations that must be followed for every aspect of running one of these homes literally fills a large book, which is revised by the state legislature every year, so this is no mean feat. And it is not uncommon to have to repeat the initial inspection before the license is granted. Fortunately we were given the green light to move forward. The feeling of relief was intense, but not followed by any down-time to savor it because Christmas was only a few days away and none of us had been able to do any preparation for it.
Shopping for gifts and whatnot was a lot of fun-- being out among the last-minute-shopping chaos wasn't as bad as I had anticipated--and on Christmas Eve I spent pretty much the whole day in the kitchen. Being able to do that was wonderful, as I've been eating on the run most of the time lately. On Christmas day I didn't even get out of my jam jams and I was in heaven, an entire day of puttering around and doing nothing. But every day since then has been action, action, action as we have been house-hunting and I have been touring families of prospective residents through this Home.
We are moving out of here next week and soon this place will be full of residents and staff. We will be staying with Mothership and Pops until we are able to move into our new home. If all moves forward with the house we are hoping for then we will be living in it by the end of January at the latest.
While we have been extremely busy since we got here it has been the best kind of busy. I love it here and I love what we are doing. Besides loving the work with the residents and all of the other people that I come in contact with, I love that we are calling the shots here. We work long hours because it is what we want to be doing and we know what needs to be done. At the same time, we can sleep-in when we don't have meetings or appointments early, or we can take lunch when we want to. And whenever I start to get tired when I am out and about running errands and such the voice of my sister Lara comes into my head saying "Your job includes shopping, decorating, and visiting with people--you are so lucky." She has never actually said that to me, but she definitely would if I complained of being tired.
And before I stop writing, a little bit about the house we are hoping to buy...
It is move-in ready and has everything from our "must have" list and many of the items from our "would love to have" list. This is a relief to me since I have completely painted and decorated both this Home and the new office for the business. The office ended up being far more work than I had initially anticipated because there were so many surfaces to refinish (wood paneling, bare sheet rock, cinder block, and this awful paneling in the bathroom). The idea that we can move in and I can do things as I feel like it or am up to it, rather than needing to do it in order to make the home livable, is quite attractive to me right now.
We should know by tomorrow where things stand.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
thanks niobe
Um...I really don't have the mental power right now to figure out how to make this bigger (other than by clicking on it, as it will open up to another window much larger). My tech. support guy is at the office right now, otherwise I would ask for his help (and he would, undoubtedly, make fun of me for it).
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